Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Turn me gay

A coworker sent me this the other day with these words of caution...

Her husband saw it over her shoulder while she was watching and stated, "This would be one of the few things in this world that would turn me gay."

I think I'd have to agree with him...

(secondary caution: you should not have eaten for at least 2 hours prior to watching this video)

Friday, January 27, 2006

Damn Ads

Don't you just hate it that ads will always find their way into your mailbox? Not just your electronic one, but your snail mail box too. I stopped most of my phone solicitations by registering online with the National Do not call registery.

But, I still have two wishes:

1) I communicate mostly online now: e-Cards, e-Mail, e-bills, e-banking, etc... so really the only thing I get in the mail now are ads! With snail mail I wish we could just turn off mail. I don't mean packages and such, I mean junk mail! Leave a little note on the mailbox for the postman.. NO JUNK MAIL!

2) I'd love to own an e-mail service. I'd set it up with e-mail filters of course, but an added bonus would be that everytime the computer senses bulk e-mailing, lets say more than 20 recipients it'll spam that person back! I'd make it start with 50 spams, then on second offense it'd increase to 100, then 1000, then 10,000! Eventually it'll overload their account and get it cancelled. Ahhhh, I can only dream LOL.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Life's lessons

Ok, I have to admit this... I cry. I cry alot for a guy. Mostly its stuff I find very touching or just sad movie endings. Yeah yeah, some of you are going to say yeah right. Well hey, it's all anonymous here, so I don't need to lie LOL. I'm not quiet as bad as the sensitive guy that Brendan Faser played in Bedazzled - wow the sunset!! *sniff*

Anyway, to my point. This was e-mailed to me by a good friend. I know I've seen it before, but it made me well-up. I hate forwarding e-mails to people that say send this to 5 friends or you will be cursed to live with evil midgets with whips and chains in hell, so I'll just post it here... I have to do something to keep the evilness away!!

Life's important lessons

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down ! and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others." Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies... You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it, if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

More Sex than me

I just wanted to share a video with everyone... it's an awesomely animated video of a depressed, but horny rabbit. Can I hear everyone say "awwwwww" in unison?... Thank you. LOL. I'm sure many of you have seen this before, but I just love the catchy song. It's sooo much better than having "Feliz Navidad" stuck in your head!

Q-time/Windows media | Flash

Thursday, January 19, 2006

On being blond... (part doo)

OMG if you thought what I said yesterday was blond... you shoud have heard what the DJ said on the radio this morning on the morning EDGE!

They were discussing the best way to die.

One caller exclaimed, "I want to be trampled on when they have the running of the naked women!!"... this was supposedly to replace the running of the bulls that occurs every year.

Blah blah, jokes about PETA and a *rim shot* HA HA HA

So then the last call comes in....

"I want to die by nuclear explosion, in front of my creditors!"...

"Yeah and kill everyone else in a 50 mile radius!" shouts one of the DJ's...

The main DJ then says, "Well it was original, that guy still deserves a rim job!"

Everyone in the studio.. "OMG!!! EWWWWW!!!!!!!"

"That'd be like French kissing an Ewok!!"

So you see, all of us blonds have our day... even if we're not blond!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

On being blond...

During some down time at work, I decided to socialize with some of my co-workers. We talked about everything including movies, love, chocolate and life in general.

Our conversation turned to gas prices and the efficiency of some European countries. I excitedly interjected that one particular country that is well known for it's "chocolate, watches, banks and beautiful women actually provides most of its electrical needs with wind power! Yeah those Swedish have it made!..."

Everyone stopped and looked at me.

I froze and looked around like I had just been caught picking my nose in front of everyone.

"Didn't you mean Switzerland? Like Swiss watches, SWISS chocolate and SWISS banks?!!"

"Ummm yeah, he he he, one of those countries that starts with an 'S'"

"Oh so you meant Spain?"

"Ya ya... I'm blond! Get over it!! LOL"

Then I went and hid.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Alter Ego

I totally ROCK!!!!! Thanks Karen!!!

You scored as Ginny Weasley. You definitely share your mother's (Molly Weasley) fiery resolve and slowly but surely people are learning to respect you because of it.
Hermione Granger
Ron Weasley
Ginny Weasley
Harry Potter
Albus Dumbledore
Severus Snape
Remus Lupin
Draco Malfoy
Sirius Black
Lord Voldemort

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com

Monday, January 9, 2006

Chat Addicts

Are you a smiley addict? I don't mean you run around and sneak into dentist's offices to inhale laughing gas. I mean smileys!!! I just wanted to share a couple of cool sites that have a ton of smileys and emoticons, all free! Here are a couple of my favorites:

Smiley Dictionary!!!

Devil or Angel?

Cool Animals... please don't ask me about my fascination with monkeys LOL

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I'm CRUSHING your head!!!!

And this one, for some unknown reason, reminds me of
"Special Ed"... YAY!!!!!!

Deviant Art - Endless original emoticons (and tons of other stuff)

And for those of you that have no interest in this post, but you still have ADHD.... LOOK QUICK!!! Here's something shiney!!!! LOL

For the rest of you who think this is my stupidest blog entry ever

Thursday, January 5, 2006

Guide to Zen

Maharishi Phucknuckel's Guide to Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

3. The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

5. Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

7. Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

10. Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. Have you ever lent someone a 20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

20. There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

24. When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse

25. The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.

Wednesday, January 4, 2006

Weight Loss

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads , "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs.
as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20 lb. weight loss program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot". This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while before he can no longer continue, and for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself, only to discover that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day, 50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."