Friday, October 26, 2007

Two Priests

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their "tourist" garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs,
enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a
"drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a topless bikini
came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said
"Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,"
nodding and addressing each of them individually,
then she passed on by.
They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store
and bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde,
wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time,
came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, said
"Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,"
and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
"Just a minute, young lady." "Yes, Father?"
"We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know,
how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"
She replied,
"Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen."

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Improve Your Sex Life

A girl found that she was not satisfying her current partner in bed, and decided to purchase a weekly correspondence course entitled "Better Sexual Techniques for Women - a seven week course".

Week 1
A letter came through the post, telling her to complete the entire course before trying any of the techniques on her partner. The first step was for her to wear nothing but a belt and tie a piece of string to the front of the belt. On the end of the string should be tied a apple, strategically placed to line up with her pubic region. She should then stand in front of the mirror and practice repeatedly hitting the apple by thrusting with her pubic region, for about 30 minutes every day for a week. Which she did, muttering to herself "Hit the apple ... hit the apple ..."

Week 2
A single page came through the post, telling her to attach a piece of string to the rear of the belt and to dangle a plum on the end of the string mid-way between her knees and her bottom. She then had to practice, in front of the mirror, hitting the apple and dodging the plum. So she did, muttering to herself "Hit the apple; dodge the plum ... hit the apple; dodge the plum ..."

Week 3
Getting into the swing of it, the next step was to attach a pair of pears to each side of the belt so that they hung down level with the centre of the hips. The pears had to be knocked using a circular motion that made them twist around on the strings. So she did that, muttering to herself "Hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears ... hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears ..."

Week 4
The latest page told her to stand over a small stool and squat down onto it after she had done all the other things. So she did that, muttering to herself "Hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears; thump the stool ... hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears; thump the stool ..."

Week 5
With her curiosity increasing, she opened the next part of the course. This required her to strap a slice of lemon to the inside of one knee and, after all the other actions had been performed, she had to squeeze the lemon between her knees. So she did that, muttering to herself "Hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears; thump the stool; squeeze the lemon ... hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears; thump the stool; squeeze the lemon ..."

Week 6
The penultimate step, the course reported. Back to the belt and the string again, this time to dangle a grape down her back such that it lay between her buttocks. The grape had to be crushed between her buttocks. So she did that, muttering to herself "Hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears; thump the stool; squeeze the lemon; crush the grape ... hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears; thump the stool; squeeze the lemon; crush the grape ..."

Week 7.
The final training session! Trembling with anticipation, she opened the post to discover that this week's instructions were to engage in the act of sexual congress with her partner flat on his back and her squatting on top. Then she had to undertake a repetition of the completed training; imagining that she was wearing the belt. So she did that, muttering to herself "Hit the apple ... dodge the plum ... spin the pears ... thump the stool ... squeeze the lemon ... crush the grape ... hit the apple ... dodge the plum ... spin the pears ... thump the stool ... squeeze the lemon ... crush the grape ..."

Her partner cried "Ooooooh!"
She cried "Ooooooh!" and went a bit faster:
"Hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears; thump the stool; squeeze the lemon; crush the grape ... hit the apple; dodge the plum; spin the pears; thump the stool; squeeze the lemon; crush the grape ..."

Her partner cried "OOOOOOOh!"
She cried "OOOOOOh!" and went a bit faster:
"Hit-the-apple dodge-the-plum spin-the-pears thump-the-stool squeeze-the-lemon crush-the-grape; hit-the-apple dodge-the-plum spin-the-pears thump-the-stool squeeze-the-lemon crush-the-grape;"

Her partner cried "YES! YES!"
She cried "YES! YES!" and went even faster:
"Hit-apple dodge-plum spin-pears thump-stool squeeze-lemon crush-grape; hit-apple dodge-plum spin-pears thump-stool squeeze-lemon crush-grape;"

Her partner cried "AAARGGGHHH!"
She cried "AAAAAARRRGGGGGHH!" and went even faster:
"Apple Plum Pears Stool Lemon Grape; Apple Plum Pears Stool Lemon Grape;"

Her partner cried "FASTER!"
She cried "FUCK IT!" and went:
"AppleAppleAppleAppleApple..."

Friday, October 12, 2007

Super Monk

Hilarious!! Monks rule!! hehe

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Shake ya Boogie

Great music to get your head a-boppin'.... I love the video!

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Naturally 7

I love this kind of stuff - spontaneous concerts :) These guys have great voices!


Concert sauvage dans le m├ętro !

Monday, October 1, 2007

Offensive Drawing

Yeah, I know I still haven't written about my misadventures with the internet in NYC... I guess it just sounds kind of dumb now that I reflect on it. To sum it up, my laptop completely crashed on the first day and I couldn't find any place to check my e-mail - each day something would happen to prevent me from accessing it. You'd think there would be more internet cafes, huh? Oh well.

Anyway, I found this humorous video that I wanted to share... I wish I could draw as well as him :) Enjoy!