OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Sadly yes... I do fit in the last category :(

*HIDES*

Reactable

Cool new musical intrument... imagine what you could do with it :P

The Homeless Woman

This just scares me....

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless woman replied.

Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

Bird for Christmas

Well I'm heading out of town, so no blogs until Sunday...

I know it's not Christmas yet, but I thought I'd share this little video about a bird for Christmas Dinner. :P

Happy (one day early) Turkey Day!!

Meet Dr. McNinja!

Dr. McNinja... he's a doctor AND a ninja!!! What could be better?!
Hmmm... wait maybe if he was a doctor and a PIRATE!! YAY!!!
I'll keep my fingers crossed!

The Ultimate Showdown!

This is a little gorey LOL... so watch with that in mind LOL




And here is a 3D movie... not bad, just not as good as the flash one above :P

I told you!

This is a little late for Halloween, but I had to share it.. DUDE!!

Love Buggies

This is so wrong, that I had to share it LOL

Murphy's Other Laws

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

T-Shirt Quotes

"You! - Off my planet."

"Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?"

"Well, this day was a total waste of makeup."

"Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."

"And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?"

"I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

"Allow me to introduce my selves."

"Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."

"Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."

"I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up."

"I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep."

"I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one."

"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

"I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"

"You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing."

"Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?"

"Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"

"Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done."

"Earth is full. Go home."

"How do I set a laser printer to stun?"

"I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

"Don't make me angry, The voices in my head don't like it when you make me angry."

"Don't make me angry, I am running out of places to hide bodies."

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"

"Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)

"If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!"

"ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING"

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

"They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken"

"IF I WANNA TASTE THE RAINBOW I'LL EAT A LESBIAN"

"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"

"POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN......Cops have nothing to go on."

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

"A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS--But it uses up a thousand times the memory."

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."

"HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!"

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

"The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."

"Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane."

"MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT"

"Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."

"Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."

Here are just some of the T-shirt places that I like to browse :P
Busted Tees
Sinful Shirts
T-Shirt Hell
Think Geek

Deep Thoughts Contest Winners

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally --but I didn't want to upset him.

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.

Home is where the house is.

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think it odd that I drive without pants.

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with!

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"

Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.

Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"

If you really want to impress people with your computer literacy, add the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot com.

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.

THIRD RUNNER UP

I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.

SECOND RUNNER UP

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.

FIRST RUNNER UP

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.

WINNER

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.

Movie Cliches

These are great!!! Read over some of the other cliches at this site, you'll be rolling in the isles :P

Spaceships make noise!

Spaceships always fly perpendicular to the same axis. When two spacecraft encounter each other, they're always aligned on a plane and never approach at odd angles.

All spaceships, no matter how small, have internal artifical gravity and no matter how badly your ship gets pummeled by the evil aliens in the evil alien ship, no matter how many external panels get blown away, no matter how many sparks or how much smoke pours out of your control panels, the artificial gravity will always keep working.

There are tiny cameras mounted everywhere, on every panel, in your spaceship. No matter what happens anywhere int eh ship, you will always be able to ask the computer to replay the scene for you later (even if the computer went up in smoke) and unlike those blurry convenience store cameras, your tiny ship cameras always capture everyone's actions at eye-level with perfect lighting.

Warp or hyper-drive will always fail at critical moments.

Inertial dampers will always prevent passengers from being plastered against the walls during acceleration into warp speed, yet any explosion will send passengers reeling across the room.

In a spaceship battle scene, for a ship to fire a weapon at another, it must be in visual range. Even though the 20th century saw the advent of weapons that can be fired without visual contact, the people of the future have lost this technology.

Stuff on my cat

This is a pretty darn entertaining web site... yeah I know, it's cheesy! So pass the crackers will ya?!