Fruit & Cannibals

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

Multiple touch screen

OMG.. this brings out the true geek in me.. I WANT ONE!!!!!!

Beer!

This t-shirt just says it all! LOL... must get one!!

Nuns

This joke is so wrong I had to share it LOL

Sister Mary and Sister Grace ride their bicycles everywhere. One day, however, their normal route to church is blocked by construction.

The two nuns take a detour through a historic part of town, with beautiful Gothic architecture and a large cobblestone plaza.

While Sister Mary gazes around in wonder, inspired by the buildings, Sister Grace is having a difficult time staying on her bike.

“This is wonderful,” Sister Mary says. “I don’t think we’ve ever come this way before.”

“It… must… be… the… cobblestones,” Sister Grace pants.

Pondering

Have you ever wondered who farted in the gene pool?

New positions

New High Jump Record!

A new world's record in the high jump from a kneeling position was set yesterday at a beach in southern France

This picture was taken just a few seconds before the jump took place.

Click here to see

Are you bi?

*shrug* so whats wrong with being bi... sacksual? LOL

Stranded!

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking round, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man introduced Hillary to the evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again.

He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to Hilary, cautiously, and whispered in her ear, "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

Blonde Challenge!

These puzzles were the final four tests to determine who was the smartest blonde... See if you are up to the Blonde Challenge!!

Test #1:


Test #2:


Test #3:


Test #4:

Blondes and Easter

I know its past Easter, but I had to share this LOL

Easter and the Three (Natural) Blondes

Three (natural) blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Nooooooooo!" and he banished her to hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Noooooooo!" and he banished her to hell.

The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having a Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder."

St. Peter said, "Veeerrrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.

American Dad vs. Family Guy

Thanks for sharing this Sasha... I've already got my blackbelt printed out - the people here at work (shhhhh) are not only wondering why I'm wearing it, but why I decided to put it around my head :P

Hang on tight and prepare for battle!!!

Tourists

OMG I'm heading to Japan on my next trip.. I'm sooooo there!!!

Behold... proof that God exists!!!

That's Kirk Cameron next to this guy... just in case you've been wondering what he's been up to these days :P

Hmmmmm, wait... how does this logic apply to coconuts?