Fridays

I know a lot of bloggers who are "participated" in Half-Nekkid Thursday (HNT), but why don't we start a new trend? How about No-Pants Friday (NPF)?! I'm participating right now!! LOL

My new Motto

Orgasms under hypnosis

This is too funny...

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Presenting, Miss... U.S.A.!!

Nice contest!!! What's next, Ms Blog Lurker 2005?

Please post any other ideas for contests you might have... maybe we can start one LOL

Voodoo Knife Block

Now I know this website says this item is a "voodoo doll" against men... but I think it could also be against women too.. don't you?

Hmmmm... I must get revenge against Kali, Jay and all the others that plotted to destroy me!! Muwaahaaaahaaaaaa

Underwear?

This can't be right... all my underwear are holy... errrr holey? hmmmm have lots o'holes LOL

No comment on the second part LOL

What Your Underwear Says About You

You tend to buy new underwear instead of doing laundry. You're not afraid to lay around resting your hand in your pants.

The Underwear Oracle

Lame Toy

I was playing with this Lame Toy generator and I made this one!! Well its not that lame, I don't think... a Monkey with a banana gun and a hover rocket - I want one!!!

Sim City - NO!

New Orleans edition!!

Dick in a truck

I was really upset today when this dick in a truck pulls out in front of me! Now I'm thinking that kissing balls is what he needs... LOL

What color should your blog be?

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh. You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link. You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog Be?

Porn shop

This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.

So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"

Blondes

You can learn a lot about people is you look hard enough...

MS Assistant

Helpful in so many ways... thanks microsoft

Bad targeting

Ok get you claws on this one...

A while back I joined the American Legion, maybe just because I'm ex-military and my neighbor at the time was in it too. Well I'm guessing most advertisers think that only "old" people join the American Legion *gasp* as I started receiving snail mail for all kinds of stuff! Most of it pertaining to retirement, life insurance, funeral arrangements, and yes viagra...

Well I have this to say to you all... I'll let you ride my chair lift!

Leader

I had my hair pulled to take this test and post it... so HERE! Imagine me like a "kindly" old lady with a ruler!! Stand up straight!! *SMACK*

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Wait a minute, is this a mug shot? She has a number under her head... ACK!!

Flying is scary

Three things to remember the next time you fly:

1) Make sure they don't use shareware!!


2) Don't eat the fish!! YUCK!!!


3) Don't trust blind pilots!

Zoo

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over --- so now we're going to Sea World!

Dr Ruth

A little Drunk humor

This Is Hilarious True story from the Jacksonville Police Department

A man goes to a party and has much too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home.

He says no-- he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away.

The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back. They hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits, but finally decides to drive home.

When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

Two hours later the police knock on the door.

They ask if her husband is there.

His wife says yes, but that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

The police produce his driver's license. Then they ask to see his car.

She wants to know why but they insist so she takes them to the garage.

She opens the door.

There, sitting in the garage, is the police car, with all the lights still flashing.

A true story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting

Telecrapper 2000

Sick of annoying telemarketers calling you? Check out the new Telecrapper 2000!

Just some "simple" modifications to your phone and you're in business... or them out of the business! LOL... be sure to watch the flash rendition of an actual recording.

Bad Bush BAD!!

Fell off

The Viewing

An old man, Mr. Geezer, was living the last of his life in a nursing home

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Geezer, "My private part died today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh! , I'm so sorry, Mr. Geezer, please accept my condolences."

The following day, Mr. Geezer was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.

"Mr. Geezer," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your private part back inside your pajamas."

"But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Geezer, "I told you yesterday that my private part died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.

"Well," he replied. "Today's the Viewing."

Bank Robbery Suspect

On a more serious note...

Add culture to your life...

My mom said I could

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I wish I had the freedom this kid had... my mom always said NO!!

Install the driver

Sexy commerical... or is it?

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This is a commerical from France... would you buy this product? I WOULD!! LOL

Pure NERD!!!!

Pure Nerd 52 % Nerd, 13% Geek, 21% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations! Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid

That's it!

That's it!! I'm going to buy a Hummer and move to Caracas!

Nation	City	Price in USD Regular/Gallon
Netherlands	Amsterdam	$6.48
Norway	Oslo	$6.27
Italy	Milan	$5.96
Denmark	Copenhagen	$5.93
Belgium	Brussels	$5.91
Sweden	Stockholm	$5.80
United Kingdom	London	$5.79
Germany	Frankfurt	$5.57
France	Paris	$5.54
Portugal	Lisbon	$5.35
Hungary	Budapest	$4.94
Luxembourg		$4.82
Croatia	Zagreb	$4.81
Ireland	Dublin	$4.78
Switzerland	Geneva	$4.74
Spain	Madrid	$4.55
Japan	Tokyo	$4.24
Czech Republic	Prague	$4.19
Romania	Bucharest	$4.09
Andorra		$4.08
Estonia	Tallinn	$3.62
Bulgaria	Sofia	$3.52
Brazil	Brasilia	$3.12
Cuba	Havana	$3.03
Taiwan	Taipei	$2.84
Lebanon	Beirut	$2.63
South Africa	Johannesburg	$2.62
Nicaragua	Managua	$2.61
Panama	Panama City	$2.19
Russia	Moscow	$2.10
Puerto Rico	San Juan	$1.74
Saudi Arabia	Riyadh	$0.91
Kuwait	Kuwait City	$0.78
Egypt	Cairo	$0.65
Nigeria	Lagos	$0.38
Venezuela	Caracas	$0.12

Info copied from CNN

Crazy Gas prices....